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| 08:58am 23/04/2009 |
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I do not understand people. The need to lie and deceive angers me to no end. Why do people do this? They lie when there is absolutely no reason to, they lie to make themselves look more pleasing,t hey lie to avoid minor conflict. When they are found out the exact opposite happens, minor conflicts turn into major ones and remarks made to seem more appealing make them look untrustworthy when they are found out to be the frauds they are. I can't be one of these people, I don't WANT to be one of those people. For the first time in years my fury at society is reignited. I've met good honest people over these past few years but I believe that is because I dissociated myself from the large demographic of what people construe as "normal". Give me a bunch of vegans, artists, bad poets, and musicians any day, some may be pompous and uninspired fakes, but I'll be damned if the majority aren't honest and passionate people. I'm tired of the bullshit, I'm tired of the lies. |
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| 10:35am 08/09/2008 |
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Sometimes I feel I can write beautiful things, things that will grab the heart of the reader and bend it to my will. Sometimes I feel like the lifeless text which I submit to this electronic medium is going to be forgotten and ignored, a way in which I have felt many times before. I'm letting thoughts flow and I'm letting words come out, a rant to purge my spirit and mind of the demons that haunt me. I want to forget so many things, the people I've hurt, the people who have hurt me. But it is probably better that I do not, experience in the nature of humans will hellp me shield my heart and mind from those who are insincere, also it will help from making those mistakes and hurting other people. My heart has been heavy for a long time, but hope is never far from the surface, I have more friends than I've ever had, people I can relate to on various levels. Though I do have friends, it always feels like I am the odd man out no matter where I go, be it because my interests, or certain activites in which I do not participate in. I lack experience in life, I lack vigor and focus, I lack a lot of things. I do not know how to attain them though. What I want to attain severely at this approaching moment though is peace for the soul, I just want to smile and know that everything is going to be alright. No one can gurantee that though, and the only person who can makes things right for me is me. I know whatever I'm going through is most likely insignificant compared to what others have gone through, are curently going through, or what a lot of people including myself will go through, but this exorcism through text is sorely needed. for the first time in my life I have a plan and a goal, a goal that seems feesible, a goal that I will have to apply myself to achieve, but in the back of my mind I still wonder if I can achieve it. If I will ever be able to make something of myself and support myself, if I'll ever just be able to grow up. My mind dances in the realm of fantasy too often, day dreaming of the things that I wish would occur in my life. I think the only time I ever truly feel happy is when I'm with a woman, or when I'm walking and listening to music. Odd that those are the only two times I feel I can ever attain compelete and utter hapiness. Maybe there is another way I can be happy, writing, though not necessarily interesting per se, I always feel better when I write like this. A smile always ends up creeping along my face, my heart always soars, and I always gain a great deal of hope. Maybe I just need to remind myself consistently that I can achieve something. I feel like a beaten down dog sometimes though. Forgotten, made to feel insiginificant adn worthless, made to feel like I can never do anything on my own, that I'll never be able to assert myself, and that I should just obey or else, but I think thats just the way I was raised. I've fought so hard to become something close to a healty human being psychologically, to gain any iota of confidence, of self assurance, of worth. But it conistently gets stripped away, lets make it stick this time. |
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| 10:21pm 20/11/2007 |
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I love singing, I really do. I have all this emotion welled up inside me, and if I can get a song attuned to them it all just flows like a dam that has burst. It's invigorating, the soothing power just flows over me and I love it.
So Steve and Jen were up here this weekend, didn't see them much, but it was cool to see them. Haven't seen them since august when they helped me move. The highlight of my weekend was singing "Hey" while Josh, Cor,y and Steve played the instrumental parts for it. I love singing, but I'm practically terrfied of getting up in front of people or public speaking, but I loved every fucking moment of it. When I was done singing I was literally shaking, I'm not sure ifanyone else noticed but I sure as hell did. Everyone clapped and said I did a good job, it was really refreshing. I kind of want to join a band or something, if I could sing for a band it would be the greatest thing in my life. |
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| 04:07pm 24/10/2007 |
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So I've decided it is in my best interests to post on livejournal again. After my discovery of texts long forgotten I believe it would be in my best interests to chronicle my current life, my feelings, and thoughts. The power of the written word is staggering and I never thought myself as much of a writer, in fact I recall telling someone I don't even enjoy writing less than a week ago. Well I'm an idiot, I lost the time to write and I haven't had anything to say on here for awhile. I'm going to try to be more productive and state my feelings even if it only for my own amusement. I think I may write about comics in the next few weeks just so I can write.
Over the years I've changed a great deal, I've grown complacent, I've grown confident, and I've lost a lot of anger. But it seems with the anger I lost something else, passion, and I want that shit back. |
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| THROUGH THE FIRE AND FLAMES WE CARRY ON! |
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| 08:23pm 04/09/2006 |
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mood: Steadfast music: Dragonforce - "Through the Fire and Flames"
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On a cold winter morning, in the time before the light
In flames of death's eternal reign we ride towards the fight
And the darkness is falling down and the times are tough all right
The sound of evil laughter falls around the world tonight
Fighting high, fighting on for the steel
Through the wastelands evermore
The scattered souls will feel the hell that is wasted on the shores
On the blackest waves in history
We watch them as they go
Through fire, pain and once again we know
So now we fly ever free
We're free before the thunderstorm
On towards the wilderness our quest carries on
Far beyond the sundown, far beyond the moonlight
Deep inside our hearts and all our souls
So far away we wait for the day
For the lights are so wasted and gone
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days
Through the fire and the flames we carry on!!!
As the red day is dawning
And the lightning cracks the sky
They raise their hands to the heavens above
As we send them to their lies
Running back through the mid-morning light
There's a burning in my heart
We're banished from the time in the fallen land
To a light beyond the stars
In the blackest dreams we do believe
Our destiny this time
And endlessly we'll all be free tonight
And on the wings of a dream
So far beyond reality
All alone in desperation
Now the time is gone
Lost inside you'll never find
Lost within my own mind
Day after day this misery must go on
So far away we wait for the day
For the lights are so wasted and gone
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days
Through the fire and the flames we carry on!!!
Wooooooah, Wooooooah, Wooooooooooah
Wooooooah, Wooooooah, Wooooooooooah
Now here we stand with their blood on our hands
We've fought so hard now can we understand?
I'll break the seal of this curse if I possibly can
For freedom of every man
So far away we wait for the day
For the lights are so wasted and gone
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days
Through the fire and the flames we carry on!!! |
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| 09:47pm 11/08/2006 |
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Dear Diary, I bought the cheapest burboun I could find. Burboun is nasty, related note I'm drunk, it's interesting. |
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| 06:35am 16/04/2006 |
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HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! I hope you all enjoy your day. |
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| I felt like I was dieing |
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| 08:37am 08/04/2006 |
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mood:  okay music: Local H - "Cha!" Said The Kitty
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Earlier this week I was hit by a combination of ailments. It seemed to me that I had strep throat it was not the first time so I was familiar with the symptoms, I've had a hacking cough and lots of congestion in head and chest, and I've had bloodshot eyes coupled with lots of mucus coming out of them.
But now, due to the wonders of modern medecine these ailments are subsiding, except for the cought and congestion, that is still kicking my ass. HOORAY FOR MODERN MEDICINE! AND BOOO FOR ME SPENDING 4 DAYS COMPLETLY MESSED UP DUE TO MY DISLIKE OF GOING TO DOCTORS! Having less pus in my eyes and being able to swallow are good things. |
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| 01:58am 13/02/2006 |
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mood:  content music: Handsome Boy Modeling School - If It Wasn't for You
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I'm working on it one person at a time. Am I doing it for the ill or good of the world?
Doesn't really matter you'll all die out before my plan comes to fruition. |
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| 03:13am 11/02/2006 |
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mood: Happy music: Handsome Boy Modeling School - Rock And Roll (Could Never Hip Hop Like This) Part 2
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Well my week has been fairly good. Ate cake wednsaday and hung out with Matt and watched "High Tension" it is probably one of my favorite movies at the moment, it was lots of fun good birthday for me. Thursday I hung out with various people and went to Red Lobster with Cory and we spent lots of money on delicious food, sometime sit is just fun to splurge on some GOOD STUFF, also I purchased three CDs. Friday I bought a cd-r/dvd drive and hung out with lots of peeps and played Apples to Apples. If you want me to make you a mix CD of stuff post a comment. Also if you are curious the three cds I purchased were:
Super Furry Animal - "LoveKraft"
Sunny Day Real Estate - "The Rising Tide"
Danger Doom
Also I should be getting some champagne from my sister in the mail in celebration of my 21st birthday, WOOOT! |
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| SHAZAM! |
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| 05:58pm 06/02/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Handsome Boy Modeling School - If It Wasn't for You
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So after my latest infatuation with they might be giants I have decided I wish to make a mixed CD, but alas I cannot actually make a mix for any of you, so what I'm going to do is post a list of songs for a mix, I will download a nero or something and set up song listing and such and save it and then post it on here and myspace. Also if anyone has any pictures of me on their for some crazy reason please send them to me, I have no picture on myspace and would like to throw older and more recent pictures up there. Also QUIZ and MYSPACE |
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| 02:55am 06/02/2006 |
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music: They Might Be Giants - Experimental Film
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THIS JUST IN!
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS ROCK YOUR SOCKS CLEEEEAN OFF!
( TMBG GOODNESS! ) |
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| 02:13am 06/02/2006 |
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mood:  weird music: They Might Be Giants - Meet James Ensor
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This weekend was cool. Got some movies, Suncoast is closing down which sucks but what is good i that they are giving uber discounts on DVDs. I bought "High Tension" , "Basket Case", and "The Return of Swamp Thing". I pretty much bought "Swamp Thing" because it was bundled with "Basket Case". I watched "High Tension" earlier today and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it, it is a gory and very brutal french film. I tiwsted my ankle this weekend so I'm gonna be limping around this week lol, and wednsday is my brithday "WOOOT!" I'll be turning 21 but most likely will not be purchasing oe consuming alcohol, and I might attend a "Pirate Party" at Matt's place friday, if I go it should be interesting.
On a completly unrelated note: ( Meet James Ensor ) |
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| I require your assitance |
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| 10:11am 02/02/2006 |
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mood:  anxious music: The Delgados - Never Look at the Sun
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So someone IMed with the name "Funkyplumber239" no with my short conversation which lasted for about 10-20 seconds I got nothing from it, I need to find out who this person is so maybe then I can figure out why the IMed me. If you know who this person is tell me please. I need my curiosity satiated. |
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| 12:11am 02/02/2006 |
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mood: hopeful music: Ween - The Argus
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Birthday in a week, should be good times, I am quite excited. |
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| 03:49am 22/01/2006 |
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mood: quixotic music: Ween - The Argus
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I was listening to this song and I am just confounded how ween makes so much original, weird, and amazing music. I really like this song, and you should all download it.
( Ween - The Argus ) |
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| 11:23pm 15/11/2005 |
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List five songs that you currently love.
It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now.
Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog.
Then tag five other livejournal friends to see what they're listening to.
1) Harvey Danger - Wine, Women, and Song
2) Eels - Susan's House
3) The Living End - West End Riot
4) Misfits - Horror Business
5) The Residents - Kaw-Liga
I'm too lazy to tag people. |
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| 04:48am 11/10/2005 |
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 | | The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)
Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.
We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.
Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
| On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.
More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.
ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach |
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
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